Craft Your Story: The Many Wonderful Sides of You
I recently received a compliment on a top I was wearing. “Thank you!" I replied, “I rediscovered it in my costume closet this year and now I wear it year-round.” Here, in New Orleans, many of us have a dedicated area for costumes and accessories to be worn especially during the carnival season. Playing in the costume closet has brought me joy since I was a little girl to the present day. Digging in an older relative’s attic or hanging out at a friend’s house and exploring the bins, or trying on wigs and headpieces makes me laugh every time. We strike a pose, strut our stuff, get in character and play make-believe. Over the years, I’ve had fun mixing, matching, tailoring, and bedazzling for different looks. As an adult, I have even borrowed pieces from my son’s superhero phase and others from my daughter’s dance recital days. Sometimes I rediscover something that just makes me feel good, and it gets moved out of the costume closet and into the daily one.
A younger, more insecure self might not have dared to wear this top on a regular weekday. My mature, more confident self owns it. This made me think of the realities we create for ourselves based on the choices we make and the feelings that derive from those realities. (Read more about reality as perception in last week’s post here).
The more I know, the more I realize what I don’t know. A lot of my reading material these days seems to drive this feeling that as we learn more and more, we know less and less. The brain is a predictive machine using selective memory to drive our behavior. There is far more than meets the eye, or any of our 5 human senses, at the quantum level. How can we know the whole truth? We can’t. Our “truth” will always be limited by external factors and internal human limitations. So how can we find a story that best serves us? In order to do that, we must fundamentally hold the belief that our own personal interests matter as well. As Turbo Thinkers, we often grapple with feelings of self-worth and self-esteem. For example, we worry about what others think of us, or we compare ourselves to others and see ourselves as inferior.
When we catch such a story in our head, we can pump the brakes on that Turbo thought pattern and ask ourselves some questions:
What is the story my brain is telling me?
What might another story be? What might be the best case scenario? The best case scenario is just as equally possible as the worst case scenario! What might be something in-between? What might be something totally wacky? What might be something that could only happen in a movie or a dream? What if this were socially accepted?
We can play with trying on different stories like playing in the costume closet of life. This is a time to use our innate Turbo thinker strengths of creativity and imagination. We can enter the world of fiction and play, free of all constraints. Who can I become when I try this story on? What does it make me feel like? Do I feel small and insignificant? Confident and powerful? Valued and loved? Do I feel like a victim of circumstance or empowered with agency?
What other data might support a better story? We can search our bank of evidence, looking at past wins and keys to success in other areas and times of our life.
What is possible when we adopt this story? How might that impact us? And the others in our life? How might this new story impact the people we truly care about?
When we choose to remain stuck in one story, we deny ourselves these opportunities. We choose to deny the people we love these opportunities too.
As adults, we can still allow ourselves to play! Like a costume, a story can be both absolutely fabulous and feel unfamiliar. It’s not that we want to mask and feel inauthentic, but we don’t want to be stuck in the same old outfit that isn’t getting us anywhere either. Masking results from pleasing others, like buying a full factory-made costume at Party City, lacking any originality. Masking is wearing what other people have designed and manufactured for the masses, wrapped in plastic. However, when we play in the costume closet of life, we are digging around to discover our own pieces and accessories to combine, tailor, and bedazzle. We can find a memory of personal success here, evidence of a win there, an underutilized character strength, a hidden talent. We can put them all together to craft a whole new outlook. And when we find something that makes us feel good, we can own it. We can wear it loud and proud so that everyone can enjoy its fabulousness year-round.
What’s possible when you have a friend playing in the closet with you? Double the fun! Allow me to be your creative collaborative partner in trying on new stories to better fit your life.